Listen Early: "Your House"
Listen to Casters' new single "Your House" before it's out on LYMI Sampler, Vol. 2
Your House is a song about letting go of the self defeating stories we let ourselves believe about ourselves, especially when those stories are constructed on our behalf. I wrote it in an attempt to break out of a holding pattern of self loathing and paranoia about how I was perceived by others - mostly those I had never met.
I was in a dark place in late 2020. I had been suddenly and unexpectedly let go from a job I didn't yet know I despised. The small label I had been in talks with about releasing my first record had stopped responding. Someone I was once very close with had cut off all communication with me over a misunderstanding that may never be resolved. The pandemic was re-raging. I was broke and broken and beginning to believe there was something deeply wrong with me.
A funny thing happened once I decided I had spent enough time feeling sorry for myself. I began to lose my sense of fear and anxiety about the prospect of drastic change. I had lived in Nashville for eight years and had never seriously considered leaving until that point, but it became increasingly clear that life was pushing me to seek a change of perspective.
Last year I moved with my dog back to my hometown to live with a childhood best friend. I found a job I can balance with my art. I released my record on my own. I traveled to Chicago with my friends to play an Audiotree session. I met someone I love. I wrote and recorded this song. I built my own house.
I'm writing this tonight from my apartment in Brooklyn. I'm sitting at my desk at the open window that looks out onto the street. It stopped raining about an hour ago. It's dark and the air is damp and cool after a warm day. I play my first show here later this month at a venue called Purgatory. It's fitting because I've lovingly nicknamed NYC Fun Hell for the four months I've been here. Maybe I'll let it outgrow the nickname one of these days.
I'm not sure how much sense this piece makes, but if you're reading this and you're stuck in your head, or you're struggling to follow a thread, try paying quiet, close attention to your life. Sometimes it’ll let you know what you need to do next.
If you pay for this newsletter, you can hear Your House below: